you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
