You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
