Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
i think im in europe. pls send help
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
