I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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