got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
