Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
