I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
