god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
