so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I stole a fireplace last night.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
