It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
