Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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