Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
