well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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