Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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