Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
