You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
