I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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