All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
