you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize