How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
