I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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