Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
