I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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