saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
