Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
