Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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