I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just gift wrapped bread.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
