he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
