I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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