she was so not down for the gang bang
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
