my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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