Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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