It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
