also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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