You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
