I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
