so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
