Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
