I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
