So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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