I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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