woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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