Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
