i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize