she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
