i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
