I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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