i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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