Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
