I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
