her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
