Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Say something about gay babies.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize