I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
