He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
