I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
