Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
