Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
