He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
