even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
