Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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