i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
