Me too!
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
