She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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