Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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