batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
