yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
