4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
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