It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
